Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
