I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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