thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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