just survived the first fart of the relationship.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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