When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
