he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dear god my vagina.
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