He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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