remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
