Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
