9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
