I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
