and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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