so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
