you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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