The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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