I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
