Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
