Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
