Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
