Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
