There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
