She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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