there's paper in my vomit.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
