I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
