You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
