Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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