You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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