we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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