There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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