If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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