Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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