this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
