how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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