I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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