There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
