My nipple is on Facebook.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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