weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize