So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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