It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
