i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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