it hurts more in the daytime
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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