So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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