you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
