true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
