I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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