just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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