Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
