Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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