If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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