is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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