at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
