Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
