i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
