the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
