If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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