so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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