imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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