I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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