I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
