at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
