Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize