Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
