Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
