so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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