He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
