haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
