It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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