Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
