help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They are going to name an STD after you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
