the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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