I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
