Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
