I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize