i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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