your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
