Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize