You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
