All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
