she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
