I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you will always have a special place in my vag
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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