I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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